I hope you have a good life.

-Cyn

Have I told you how much I miss you? I miss hugging you SO much. I wish I would have hugged you before saying bye, why didn’t I? I always hug you. I like your smell well when you actually wear your cologne; you’ve only worn it about six times around me and I love it. I miss that sound you make, the “raccoon” noise and the lame laugh you do afterwards, even though I say I don’t like when you get close and do it to me. I miss you holding me in general. Remember when I told you how sometimes I had trouble sleeping? Because I missed you…we were laying on the floor and you held onto me. Sometimes I’ll think of that in order to sleep. I can’t help crying and it’s not even full on crying. It’s just tears because I really don’t like not having you around. I don’t like the idea of actually letting you go. I had my heart set on you, you were it for me. And when I sometimes feel myself really being okay and maybe actually letting go or at least forgetting for a couple of hours, I don’t like it. It’s weird, I want it but I don’t like it. It’s just thinking how I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and now I’m not.

Just  I miss you, I miss you as my friend, I miss you as whatever you were to me before, I just miss being able to talk to you.

there is a big part of me that wants to destroy any evidence of anything having had happened between us. I obviously could never do that, I’d be the kind of person to make copies and burn those instead. But I kind of need you to not exist since I can’t do that.

I hope you are doing well, very, very well. Please know I miss you.

I’m so tired. I’ve done a lot of things and I can barely remember them actually. Lupe is finally engaged!!! So wedding to plan? SO MUCH fun for me and by fun I mean me having to wake up early and help decorate everything from bridal shower, lingerie party and the actual wedding. Oh and having to find a dress which I’m trying. I’m in school all the time and when I’m not in school, I feel like I’m going to pass out but I can’t because I’m always having a test to study for. I felt it affecting me spiritually now, like I don’t have time which is SO ANNOYING! I’ve talked to Claudia about it, she will help me. Kenneth still talks about you, always mentioning how he misses you and asking me if I wish things were different. I know why he says it because he does miss you but then it makes me feel bad. I haven’t got the chance to hang out with them, I finally told him we will have to, I’m not sure when either one of us will be available at the same time but we will try! I’m in school Tuesday- Saturday from 8 to 5pm, I might as well be working don’t you think?

xoxo

Cyn

For a while I was debating if I was going to continue writing to you, like you said I’d have to stop someday. I was also mad at you so that was going to help. But I don’t think that’s right or true because when it comes down to it you’re my friend and I want you to know what’s going on. Maybe I shouldn’t but I just I miss you knowing everything that goes on in my life and I miss knowing what you’re doing, you are one of my best, best friends. So I’m over it enough to where I can just write to you and of course still tell you how much I miss you, because regardless you are very special to me.

So I’ve been in school a week already, I’ve been beyond EXHAUSTED and even though I got a bit overwhelmed by it, I’m happy about it. I’m ready to continue learning. I’ve bought so much for school which has been so much fun! Ahhh all the supplies and soon to be licensed! I feel like it’s a lot and maybe I won’t be able to do it but I can, I really can. And time is flying by. Well I miss you, very, very much.

Xoxo
Cyn